June's Stupid Cancer Blog

6 month check up is done!

2010-08-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a very long time since I have posted anything and many of you have asked -- so here it is:

In June I met with the surgeon (Dr. Mary) and all looks good to her. She will want my bloodwork run again in August for Vitamin D and to see if I can reduce my 5,000 IU a day.

In July I met with the Radiation Oncologist (Dr. Panwella) who also gave me a thumbs up - other than not liking my decision to opt OUT of tamoxifan. She had a little concern about the skin color in the radiation area - but was very happy with the texture and my attitude! Yipee

Today I met with my new best friend Dr. Seligman -my Oncologist. He poked and prodded and gave me a very thorough check up. I get results of all of that next week. He also spent more time trying to talk me into "tamoxifan" but I wasn't going there. We finally agreed to talk again in December.

I am doing weekly accupuncture as well as practicing yoga 2 times a week. I am walking again every day and I finally feel like I am getting my energy back.

Work is crazy busy - but I love it! At the relay for life event recently, I heard a cancer survivor speak who talked about the quote from ROCKY where he says something like---...its not how hard you are hit - it how hard you fight back when you get hit! I'm continuing to fight with all of your love, support and prayers.

I will post again next week with my test results.

Much Love--- June

Radiation is Complete!

2010-04-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

I know it has been quite a while since I updated the blog and several people have reminded me that it is time - so here it goes:

As one dear friend asked me at church on Sunday - "How was your 7-week retreat to Camp Nuke a Breast?" Boy - that says it all!

My body managed the radiation pretty well - actually really well until the end. My armpit area started "breaking down" in early March and Dr. Panwalla moved my "boost" treatments up to give the area a break. The boost treatments are designed to radiate the immediate area where the tumor sat in my breast. I had 7 of those treatments and then went back to finish the general radiation. My armpit area cleared up and healed in that time, however, now the boost area started breaking down.

I had many "home" remedies to try - vitamin E oil with saran wrap to protect it - that worked great! Cabbage leaves on the breast itself to east the pain/burn - also worked great. Apparently this is all the rage among new breastfeeding mothers for pain and other issues. Finally, my accupuncturist gave me a sauve of chinese herbs that took away the pain, the red, the swelling all in two days! She has also put me on a chinese herb called C/R support which is specially designed for people going through chemo or radiation. It helps with digestion, energy, body heat etc. It has been wonderful.

I have some big Dr. appointments coming up this week. I see Dr. Mary and back to the Dr. Panwella. I continue with my weekly physical therapy appointments, accupuncture and yoga 3/week. I am feeling healthy and doing great. Slowly moving back to my new "normal".

The Dr. did finally give me permission to fly - so Greg and I are going to visit Jessica at the end of the month in South Dakota. I guess it isn't good to fly during or soon after radiation because of the air pressure and radiation still in your body and having had so many lymph nodes removed.

I will update again next week after my doctor appointments. My big angst now is "Tomoxifan or no Tomoxifan?" I don't want to do it.

More to come......

Love, June

Radiation Reflections

2010-02-21T14:53:00.000-08:00

Probably the most asked question - what is it like, how does it feel, how does it make you feel?

First - I am so totally grateful that I did NOT have to do chemo that Radiation seems like a breeze. I know it is much bigger than I am letting it be - but for right now - that works for me.

Radiation doesn't hurt - it's like getting an X-ray. I had a big appointment before I started when I got the tatoo marks for levelling me on the table etc. They made a "pillow" just for me. I lay down put my arms above me head and formed a pillow to my body. Now everyday I go in, I lay down on the table with MY pillow. 3-4 Technicians pull my cotton gown off of me and make sure I am in the correct position to be in for treatment.

Just when I think I am going to "freak out" at the thought of having radiation bolted into me - it's over! I am usually in and out in about 20 minutes with the actual "treatment" being about 4-5 minutes. They treat me from 4 different angles. I'm just starting to feel a little "burned" on my upper back shoulder - but my skin is doing fine right now. Monday through Friday - every day at 2:15 is starting to get old - but that may be my own control issues trying to creep in.

Monday is the day they like you to talk to the Nutrionist after treatment.

Tuesday is a normal day and I am in and out.

Wednesday is x-ray day so they can make sure I am always being zapped in the right spots - you know, if they are off a little bit - the radiation could get my heart or lung, so this is important to always be checking my position/marks because of the swelling etc.

Thursday is the day they like you to visit with the "Cancer Counselor" - of boy! Week one she tried to sell me on "cancer support groups" and she had no idea what she was getting in me. Week 2 I blew her off and said I was FINE - those of you in 12=step programs know what that means. Week three I actually spent time talking with Wendy the Social Worker and she is very nice - I'm just not ready to do a "group thing". I do still see my own counselor - so please no comments on how important therapy is - I get that.

Friday is Dr. day. After treatment I actually see Dr. Panwella and she checks me out and my skin etc. It is nice to have some time with just her.

This coming week they are adding Physical Therpay to my schedule and then Accupuncture. My life has become a series of appointments!

This whole process is more of an emotional journey for me than a physical one right now. I am loving my yoga classes and some great mediation CD's from a new friend specifically for relaxation and one for Radiation therapy.

I feel like I'm doing right what I suppose to do. 36 days of Lent remain and once again this year, I find myself on this journey of 40 days REALLY REALLY walking with Jesus and trying to understand his pain.

Today, Life is good!
Love, June

Hip Hip Hooray - NO Chemo Today!

2010-02-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

Greg, Mom and I Met with Oncologist - Dr. Seligman. He was so happy to tell me that my Oncotype DX Test results came back with good news. My scores were in mid-range but reflected that chemo was not needed and I would not gain any benefit from chemo- so I can move right on to Radiation Therapy.

He compares cancer to cats - some have a pussy cat and some have a tiger. I am so lucky to have the pussy cat! He is a unique man - strange but talented - spent a LOT of my appointment flirting with my mom! And I found out he has no tatoos -but his father did and so does his daughter. He likes Janice Joplin and he really likes Bob Dylans song "up north girl" but prefers Johnny Cash singing it. Said insanity skips a generation in his family. I don't need to see him again for 6 months - I told him he would miss me waiting that long and he totally agreed.

I start Radiation Therapy tomorrow morning (2/2/10). I will go everyday Monday through Friday for 6-1/2 weeks. I am only 1 mile from the Radiation clinic -so I am going to walk. I don't know what time my daily appointment will be - but tomorrow that will get set up.

After Radiation I will be on Tamoxifan for 5 years unless I go through menapouse during that time and he will change the drug. I asked how I will know when/if that happens and he told me to ask my mother!

Oh well - I am grateful for answered prayers. Amazing what happens when you REALLY give it to God. Just when I decide to follow the dr I get great news! I love life and even being reminded that I am not in charge.

Radiation Oncologist Tomorrow!

2010-01-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

I meet with Dr. Panwella tomorrow to have my pre-radiation appointment. This is when I will be tatooed with the marks for radiation. This is my way of "thinking positive" that I won't get a report that I must do chemo. Maybe denial - but I choose positive thinking instead.

When I return to the Oncologist on February 1st - if I need chemo, I will have to re-do this appointment with Radiation Oncologist in several months when I finish chemo and have recovered. If I DO NOT need chemo - then I am ready to start that week.

Either way - I will make it! There are so many praying for and with me I cant NOT make it!

TIP Training has taken much of my time the last 2 weeks - so it has been a great distraction with a good class. The last 30 days really seemed to fly by and I have had time to obsess about what is ahead for me.

Mom arrives on Saturday to be here for the big "reveal"aapointment. It will be nice to have her here for a whole week! Doesn't matter how old you get - you still want your mom there to help you through the tough times and to celebrate the good ones. Thank GOD for moms!

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers - keep them coming!

Much Love,
June

Do Chemo or NO Chemo - That is the Question!

2010-01-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

Greg and I met with Dr. Seligman and his PA Lisa Radcliff this morning.

Once again I found myself thinking that this would be the appointment that answered all the questions and finalized "the plan". Not so!

Dr. Seligman strongly encouraged me (us) to authorize the Oncotype DX Test which is a DNA test of my tumor. This will give him an answer to the Chemo or NO Chemo question. As I understand it - before this test was available, I would of been set up on a chemo schedule at today's appointment. Now, this test is available and allows science to take over the answer the question "Will June benefit from chemo?". If there is a chance that chemo will not benefit me then he doesn't want to put me through it. That is all good news for me. However, the bad news is that this test takes 3 weeks to process. Ughhh!

So - when I go back to see him on February 1st, he will either say yes - the test agrees that you need chemo. Then I will have the port put in that day and start chemo that week. OR---he will say that the results of the test indicate that chemo is not a benefit and I will start my 6 weeks of radiation that week.

Either way I feel like I am being "taken care of" and that feels good. Maybe I don't need chemo or maybe I am being given some "time" to get use to the idea. It was much more emotional to see the chemo floor and talk with him than I anticipated it would be. I don't know what it is suppose to "feel" like - but I do know that it "feels" like I have been doing this for a long time already.

More to come!
June

Merry Christmas - Indeed!!!

2009-12-24T14:35:00.001-08:00

Surgery went very well yesterday (12/23). I am home and feeling good. Dr. Mary just called and said that my pathology reports where coming in as she was leaving so she called to give me my christmas present.

It was a good idea to agree to an additional surgery to get better margins because when she got in there she found another very small tumor - couldn't feel it but it showed up in pathology. The good news is that this tumor was removed and we have ALL CLEAR margins!!! Yipee.

So now phase one is complete and I am off to see the Oncologist on January 4th. This appointment got moved from the 28th.

I am happy, feeling good and so very grateful for my family, all of you and the many many prayers that surround me!

Merry Christmas and Blessings to each of you!

June

Good News - Bad News

2009-12-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

The good news is that the tumor wasn't as big as Dr. Mary anticipated. She removed 12 lymph nodes and 11 were clear of cancer. The one node that showed cancer cells was very minute and won't change my treatment plan. Surgery went well and was a breeze for me. The pre-op tests, injections and procedures were horrible.

The bad news is that the pathologist said that there are not clean margins on the tumor. This means that I will be going into surgery again to have more tissue removed on the interior lower area. I know that sounds yucky - but I don't have any lymph node procedures this time and that is good news to me.

Surgery is set for December 23rd - Merry Christmas!

I meet with Dr. Seligman the Oncologist from Pacific Oncology (out of OHSU but a Gresham Office) on December 28th to set up a chemo schedule and treatment plan. Then Dr. Panwalla the Radiologist/Oncologist for a Radation schedule.

So - as I mentioned in a previous posting - there are 4 steps to this. Step one is almost complete - after next surgery. Steps 2 and 3 are being created and step 4 to come.

My goal is to have this all done by my birthday. I don't think this is possible, but I do think I can have chemo done by my 50th on June 1st. If that happens, we are having one BIG party!!!

Mom is leaving in the morning - I will miss her being here taking care of me. Well I miss her being here - I don't like "having to" be taken care of. But - if she wasn't here - I would of gone to work last Friday. So yes, I am taking it easy and trying to "heal"

More to come - keep posted. Keep praying!
Much love,
June

update from Greg

2009-12-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

Surgery went well yesterday per Doctor Mary. a great doctor[although a vegan,you'd think a smart doctor would know God gave us some pointy teeth for a reason.].a couple hours to remove a malignant spot and surrounding area and the removal of a few lymph nodes..the lymph nodes were tested on site and showed no evidence of cancer cells which was great news..early next week should give us the results of the malignant spot to assure that it was entirely removed. Probably radiation is the next step and hopefully no chemotherapy. June is home now and recovering with her mom trying to get her to follow doctors instruction because I know she won't listed to me or Ally.We'll be watching the DUCKS BEAT THE beavers at home tonight.Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes,candle lighting, etc..it must have worked ! We really don't have any immediate needs..unless you want to feed us..Thanks again

November is Gratitude Month~!

2009-11-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

Well - Greg is off to MN/WI for a hunting trip! Ally, her boyfriend Kyle and I leave on Wednesday to spend the thanksgiving holiday with my family. Jessica will be driving (8 hours ) up from the reservation.

I am grateful that TIP's big Heroes with Heart event was a huge success! I'm so glad it's over and went so well. We could not of done it without the help of some great people - espeically Danielle!

As I anticipated, with the Heroes event over - it is hard not to obsess about what lies ahead. I'm trying to stay positive. Only a few major break downs so far! Like when I got my new phone and I couldn't figure out how to use the touch screen - which was the cause of a major emotional, tear-filled morning last week.

My Vitamin D bloodwork came back with no suprise that I am WAY low. So now its 5,000 IU's a day so I can get my number up to 65 from 25, hopefully before surgery. I continue to see my counselor and that is helping, along with my al-anon family that has been a huge support for 23 years.

So - my pre-op appointment is Tuesday afternoon the 24th. We return from MN on Monday the 30th, I have some final tests done on Tuesday, December 1st and Surgery is Wednesday the 2nd. I will be at the Gresham Surgery Center for the operation and will be home that afternoon. Then we just wait for pathology results. Greg does know how to update this blog and has agreed to leave a post right after surgery.

Thank you for your continued prayers, positive thoughts and good wishes!

Love to all!
June

Ally Vining is amazing! PS - surgery date is set!

2009-10-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

After many more doctor consultations we (I) have made a decision to have surgery on December 2nd.

I am taking one step at a time. I understand that there are 4 parts to the treatment of this cancer. I may need all 4 or I may need only 2 - but none if that is known until surgery is complete.

Part 1 is Surgery itself.
Part 2 is Chemotherapy
Part 3 is Radiation
Part 4 is Hormone Replacement Therapy or ovary removal

We are going to MN for the Thanksgiving Holiday. Greg is going a week ahead of us to hunt with brother-in-law Rob. He got the bug last year and I'm afraid we may be spending all Thanksgivings in MN from now on!!! Thanks Rob - for that!

Jess is driving up from the Rosebud Indian Reservation to have Thanksgiving with the Johnson Family. Ally, her boyfriend Kyle and myself will be back to Oregon on the 30th.

I will have my pre-op stuff done on Tuesday, December 1st and then surgery on Wednesday, December 2nd.

There will be a pathologist in surgery with Dr. Mary - so we will have an answer on any lymph node involvement right away. The second test will come back in a couple of days and the final pathology report will take about 2 weeks. From that report - we will know what the next step is.

I will be meeting with the medical oncologist before my trip.

My big work event on November 5th (Greg's birthday) is keeping me very focused and is a good distraction right now. After that - it will be one day at a time to not freak out or obsess about what is ahead of me.

Please keep the prayers coming - for all of us....Greg and the girls too!

Much love,
June

All Doctor's-- All Week

2009-10-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

Monday afternoon we met with a plastic surgeon for 2 hours.
Tuesday the cancer counseloor
Wednesday morning with the Radiologist/Oncologist
Thursday back to Dr. Mary for more questions

I was informed yesterday that the "clinical study-radiation therapy" is not an option for me. the Dr.'s are not happy with the results they have seen and decided to take it off the table for me!

So - more appointments - more questions - then decision making time.

Whatever surgery is chosen - it will happen the first week of December.

My Gratitude List

2009-10-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Ok - I feel myself starting to sink into that "why me" place and thought maybe if I spent some time on my gratitude it would help.

I am grateful for:
My Faith - I know I "can" and I "will" walk through this to a healthier me!
My Family - Greg is very supportive and encouraging - the girls are my cheerleaders!
My Friends - You all know who you are - I love you!
My Work Family/Firends: The great people that I work with and those that I work for.
My Job/career - I love my job and know I am right where I am meant to be - it feels good!
My Pets - Nikki and Bella - who doesn't love a big wet, hairy dog panting and slamming its tail against your bed waking you up every morning and a small yippy dog to sleep with you at night!
My Doctor: Mary Barnhart is the best - and I feel surrounded by care, concern and comfort.

I feel better already!

It's Tuesday!

2009-10-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Well - the waiting is over and now time to digest all of the information. Greg and I met with Dr. Mary for almost 3 hours today! She was patient and did a great job of explaining, educating, informing and anwering questions. Pathology reports were read by 4 separate doctors - all reports confirmed the same results.
Invasive Ductal Cancer!

Now we decide on surgery options/treatment. The good news is that I have "time" to make a good educated decision. Dr. Mary is coordinating a few consultations for me: If I am a candidate for "clinical study" of a new type of radiation - I will meet with a Radiologist/Oncologist from one of the 3 Portland Hospitals that are offering/performing this procedure. I will also meet with a Radiologist/Oncologist from a local hospital to discuss the benefits/risk factors of radiation. The third meeting is with a plastic surgeon who does reconstruction surgery. Once we have talked with these Dr.'s and met with Dr. Mary again - I will make a final decision on how to proceed.

More to come - thank you for your continued prayers!

gregs deep thoughts

2009-10-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

kancer is STOOPID. good friends and family r the BEST. I will send this to cyberspace n see where it goes. If u r a nigerian royalty member who needs my help, a ukranian girl who wants a "friend" or sumone from indonesia who wants to improve my love life by enlarging parts of my body..thanks but no thanks..PS if you have a cure for cancer you can respond to this..or ask your God if he has one to hand out..that'd help. In lieu of that prayers are the only request that we have.thanks

Tuesday is the "BIG REVEAL"

2009-10-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Dr.'s office called and we are meeting with her on Tuesday morning. She said to be prepared for 2-1/2 hours. Tuesday seems like along time from now---but at that point they will have all results and a plan, schedule and direction in place for me and Greg.

Today is a new day!

2009-10-07T14:51:00.001-07:00

Just got back from the hospital having had the PET Scan.

I'm sure I must be glowing because they said they got "great" pictures of me!

Now I wait! I wait to hear from the Dr. - I wait to hear about the stage of cancer - I wait to hear about how we fight this!

Another Speed Bump In My Life

2009-10-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

While I love giving of myself to help others, and feel very fortunate to have the "career" that I am meant to have, I am destined to learn to "receive with grace".

Once again, I am faced with a life sitution that I would prefer to keep private. However, I also know that my faith along with the love and support of friends and family are what carried me through the darkest part of our family tragedy. Because I consider you all a part of my extended family - there is news that must be shared, no matter how personal the news.

On Monday, September 21st, I had my annual mammogram. I was feeling pretty good that everything has gone digital and I was done when the procedure was done - no more waiting. the technician said that I would hear from the Dr. if anything looked bad - otherwise everything is sent to my Dr. At noon that day, I received a call from my primary care physician explaining that the mamogram reports were not good and I needed to return for a biopsy of 3 small areas in my left breast. I scheduled the procedure for Monday the 28th. I left for the TIP Annual meeting on Wednesday the 23rd - determined to enjoy my very first visit to Disneyland - you know the happiest place on earth!

On Monday, September 28th, I had a core biopsy.
On Tuesday, September 29th, I received word from my doctor that I definately have malignant core cancer.
On Thursday October 1st, I had a Breast MRI. I did not tolerate this procedure well. I became quite ill and caused quite an emergency in the MRI area. The good news is I do not have aspiration induced pnemonia as they thought. The bad news is that they really did a number on my throat and vocal chords.

So where are things now:
Yesterday (10/5) I had a bone density test and chest x-ray. This morning I had blood work done. Tomorrow I have a PET scan.

Once my doctor get results from these tests, Greg and I will meet with her while she explains the best plan of attack.

In trying to find "balance" (keeping work at work and health at home so I have a choice on when to deal with it) I have created this blog to keep my situation updated and not wear me out with trying to keep everyone in the loop. This website will be updated regulary.

If you subscribe to it, you will automatically receive all updates. I can appologize now for any sense of humor you receive from my husbands postings or my friend Dawn!

You all know I have already faced and survived the most horrific tragedy one can endure, and I had no choice but to live it out publicly. This cannot be any worse than what myself and my family have already experienced. I ask your help in prayer and support.

I do have a great support group with a large family (even though they are 2,000 miles away) and close friends. Please feel free to send me emails and questions via this website.

The best thing you can do to help me, is to keep our mission of "Citizens Helping Citzens in Crisis" going.

With much love,
June